Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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