chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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