he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
