Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
