I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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