Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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