White coat. Heels.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
