I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
