I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
