Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
