If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
