she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
