Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
