How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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