i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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