STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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