I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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