You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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