In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
