I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
