I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
