God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
