I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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