I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
