Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
