I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
