my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
