He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
