chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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