Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
