I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
