Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
