Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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