just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
