2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
