Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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