Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
NoShamevember. You game?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
