mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
