Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
