I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
