I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
