He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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