Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
