Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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