Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
