I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
