If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
