I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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