So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
