He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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