Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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