Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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