So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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