I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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