We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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