she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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