For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
