I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
