we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
