singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
