She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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