That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
