Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
