Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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