Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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