I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
