Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex in the backyard? Check.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
