ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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