false alarm. still invincible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
