The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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