Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
