i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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