he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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