I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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