I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
