apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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