when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want nice things and good sex
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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